Dearest Anika,
Today is your 5th birthday. It’s past midnight already and I’ve just finished going through all your photos since you were born. I realized that I have been doing that every year on the eve of your birthday for the past four years. I enjoy doing that but in the same time, something tugs my heart in a different way.
Naluluha ako ngayon actually, anak.
Ang bilis kasi talaga ng panahon.
Gasgas na talaga pero it really feels like yesterday na ganito ka lang the whole day.
I remember praying for more interaction because all you did was to eat, sleep, cry and poo on me.
And then you started interacting with all of us. You were the apple of everybody’s eye.
And then, you started to learn how to walk. I was so excited because I’ve always pictured us hand in hand, shopping from one store to another.
And then two months before your first birthday, you suddenly were walking running like there’s no tomorrow. I think that was when I started losing weight from all the habol I did with you.
And then at two years old, you learned how to sing, dance, model and act in front of everybody.
And then before you turned three years old, you became more like me. You started talking too much, choosing your own outfits, choosing how your hair will be done, posing expertly in front of the cameras and started to discover that you can get away with almost about everything as long as you flash that cute smile of yours and make lambing to anyone.
And then at four years old, we have validated that you are indeed not only beautiful but smart as hell as well.
Ang bilis bilis anak.
I worry that I might not be spending time with you that much. No matter how often I drop whatever I’m doing when you call me, I still feel guilty that I don’t get to be with you as often as you like me to. Kung alam mo lang anak. I want to be there everyday when you open your eyes. I love the good morning hugs and kisses that you never fail to give me. It hurts me when you call me in the middle of the day and tell me that you really miss me and you want to be with me. You often ask me why I can’t be like the mommies of your classmates who pick them up everyday in school. For that, I’m sorry anak. When I hear that from you, gustong gusto ko talaga umuwi. I don’t want you to feel that you are not important because I swear anak, you are the most important to me right now.
I’m sorry that you get stuck at home during summer break because I cannot take you to any summer activities during the weekday. But I try my best to make bawi when I get home especially when we spend time with each other before you sleep. That is one of my favorite parts of the day, Anika. Yung tayong dalawa lang and we’re lying down and telling each other how our day went. And then we would be laughing and hugging ng madaming madami until you tell me it’s enough because you want to sleep na. I hope we can forever do that even if you’re all grown up na. I will never get tired of hearing you talk about your day and to hear you laughing. I love hearing you laugh. I feel really happy when you’re happy, anak.
There are times though when I feel really sad. Sobrang sad that sometimes parang ayaw ko na talaga. But you know, I only think of you and I feel I have to get through whatever it is that I am going through for you. I know you feel this anak when we’re together and I really appreciate the out of the blue, “I love you Nanay” and “You’re doing a good job as a mom, Nanay.” comments that you say. You are my rock anak. And I want you to know that you can always, always count on me forever. I am and forever going to be your bestfriend.
I love you sweetheart. Thank you for making me happy everyday. Whatever you are now, I am already very, very proud of you.
Happy, happy birthday Anika. Enjoy your day today =)
