Hi guys!
I’m back!
I took a one week break from social media to concentrate on making my mental health better.
Medyo dumapa kasi ako ulit. For weeks, I was feeling uneasy. Grabe kabog ng dibdib ko. Napansin ko na yun but I was trying to manage it. However, it came to a point when I couldn’t handle my anxiety disorder na. I was palpitating so hard. I was crying. I was so clingy. I couldn’t sleep. I wasn’t eating. Pero regardless of feeling all those things, nagtratrabaho ako. I was forcing myself to act normal especially in front of Anika. High functioning anxiety ata ang tawag with what I have. I didn’t feel that I needed to get off work pero I decided tumigil muna magsocial media and magK-drama series. I wanted to use my free time fixing myself. I booked an appointment with my psychiatrist. Since magaling ako sa analysis, I told him all the reasons why I thought umaatake yung anxiety ko. I wish to keep them private kaya hindi ko na i-share sa inyo ang mga causes, ha?
After our 30 minute session (pikit mata na lang ako sa Php 1,500 per 15 minutes na professional fee, haha!), he gave me medicine to drink. He said to take it when needed lang. I realized medyo less severe itong attack ko na ito compared to what I had last 2017-2018. That time kasi he wanted me to drink the Xanor 2x a day. Ngayon, when needed lang. At least di ba? Mas madali kaysa dati.
I took the meds once. Alvin told me to drink it na. Para daw makapagpahinga ako. Ininom ko na din kasi naaawa na din ako sa kanya. Puyat din siya. I wake him up a couple of times every night ‘coz I couldn’t sleep because of the palpitations.
Thankfully, the night I took the meds, I was able to sleep for 8 hours straight. First time in days yun! After that, the palpitation and anxiety became manageable. I used the days last week to pray and meditate bakit ba ako nagka-anxiety. Wala. Madaming things I cannot control pero I let myself be affected. I’m an empath too so I abosorb the energy of my surroundings. Medyo naging negative ang aura ng surroundings ko at ng mga tao sa paligid ko kaya pak, anxiety attack! While I was praying to God, I asked him if he could teach me how to deal with this. It’s all psychological eh. I need to learn to deal with other people’s negativity, my surroundings’ negativity and keep my positivity even though nakakahawa ang ka-negahan ng mundo.
So far naman (pwera usog), I haven’t drank meds since yung once na take ko na yun. I got help from Alvin, my family and friends. I got to talk to Wowa and Lolo Papa and (naiiyak talaga ako), I realize that you’ll never be too old to need your parents. I really felt better after I talked to them. My brother Noel prayed over me and taught me about fasting and praying. My friends and cousin were messaging me. Those who follow me in Facebook and Instagram sent over prayers and comforting messages. Yung Mommy Fleur and Friends na chatroom namin, nabuhay kasi kinakamusta nila ako lagi. Someone also sent me this:
That and with the love and support of the people around me, I was inspired to get better.
I may not be 100% now pero I am in a much better place compared to last week. I realized din that since the pandemic started, hindi na ako nakakapunta sa Adoration Chapel to pray. Malaking bagay yun in-touch tayo kay God. It also served as my meditation eh. With all the stress and anxiety in this world, it’s very peaceful and comforting to be in a quiet room na alam mo nandun si God. Malakas maka-normal ika-nga.
So why didn’t I continue taking the meds? Sabi kasi di ba pag unbearable lang daw? Keri naman. I want to focus more now on how to deal with all the negativity para hindi naman ako lagi affected. Also, I’ll be having my heart checked by my cardiologist. Para sure lang na hindi organic yung cause ng palpitations ko. Di ba?
On a lighter note, I lost 5 pounds from that ordeal. Napangiti din ako when I stepped on my weighing scale. Push ko na ito. I’m forcing myself to eat pero healthier. Wala ako sugar since last week which is good. Exercise na lang ang kulang. My psychiatrist told me to exercise too. It truly helps with our mental health.
So there. I’m back =D And I’m thankful keribelles na ang mga hanash. Before I end this post, I just want to reiterate how important it is for us to take care of our mental health. Let’s not be scared to ask help from a professional. Let’s not be scared to tell our loved ones about it so that we can receive support. Our mental health is very important. Ang hirap gumalaw kung hindi ka mentally healthy. And being a woman with many hats, there are a lot of people depending on us too kaya dapat okay tayo.
Have a great week, guys!