I have been asked to blog tips what to do paghindi daw malambing ang husbands or boyfriends.
It’s not a secret that my husband was not showy with his lambing, sweetness or affections to me before. Our Language of Love kasi is different. Alvin’s language of love is service. Mine’s touch and words of affirmation. You see guys, kung ano ang love language niyo, that is how you show a person that you love them. That is also the way how you are expecting love to be shown to you by others, consciously and subconsciously.
The problem comes in if couples do not have the same love language.
Parang kami ni Alvin. Before, we were fighting a lot mainly because I get bad that I don’t feel na love niya ako. Hindi malambing eh. He argues that he cooks food for us sometimes, inaayos daw niya yung bubong, gumagawa daw siya ng mga furniture. Paano ko daw masasabi na hindi niya ako love?!
Napaisip ako ano kaya point niya. Hindi naman ako lang ang kumakain ng food that he cooks. Ano naman ang kinalaman ng bubong ng bahay namin sa akin, di ba? Bakit siya galit na nagiinarte ako when I say na kulang ako sa affection?
Yun pala, after so many talks, ganun ang love language niya: service. Lumalabas tuloy, kahit na feeling ko kulang na kulang ako sa affections from him, for Alvin, hindi ako grateful.
The key here talaga is communication. Alvin and I talked a lot about it whether he liked it or not. I tried to understand where he was coming from and I talked to him about what I wanted.
Hindi ko tinantanan si Alvin kausapin na sana naman yakapin ako more often. Na sana naman pagkagising niya ay hindi yung cellphone niya muna ang hawakan niya. Yakapin niya muna ako. Na sana out of nowhere, i-hug niya ako. Na sana hawakan niya naman kamay ko pagnanonood kami ng TV. Na sana automatic na i-kiss niya ako before he leaves from work and when he comes home (after showering).
I swear mga bakla, hindi ko talaga siya tinantanan.
I communicated with him how important physical affection is for me. Hindi ko siya tinigilan.
I don’t know kung dahil sa kulit ko lang or dahil gusto na niya din, I am happy because there were a lot of positive changes that happened in that aspect. When he wakes up, automatic he embraces me before he gets out of the bed. Kahit mga 2-3 minutes lang, masayang masaya na ako dun. When I get out of the bedroom and gising na siya, we hug ng mga 30 seconds wherever kami nagabot sa bahay. Tinatabihan niya na ako when watching TV and magka-touch na kami.
Ladies, do not be shy or hesitant to ask this from your husbands or partners. Mag-asawa kayo eh. I don’t know why they won’t give it to you especially when they know that it’s what you want. Hindi ko ma-gets pag-ayaw. Madami nga diyan na bruha ang asawa pero ang lambing ng mga husbands to them. Hindi naman siguro tayo bruhilda to the highest level so bakit hindi magiging malambing sayo?
Communication is the key talaga. Baka may hanash naman pala ang mga asawa niyo. We need to know that so we can rectify and adjust.
Going back to me and my husband, I try my best to do the same for him. I know that service ang love language niya kaya kung anong ipaabot niya sa akin kahit ang lapit lapit na niya dun sa object na yun, inaabot ko. Hehehe! Or I make it to a point na ihatid sa kanya yung vitamins san man siya nakaupo after dinner. Or I book Grab for him whenever he requests me to. If you can remember I was being wheeled into the operating room already pero I was booking a grab pa for him. Before ECQ, when he asks me to call a massage for him, kahit nasaang lupalop ako ng Pilipinas, I do it for him. These may all sound petty pero ito yung mga kaya ko gawin for him kaya I do it. I don’t know how to cook although I try. I don’t do the dishes, laundry and other chores because I am a working woman. Sa maliliit na bagay na lang ako bumabawi. The important thing here is that your partner sees that you try. Malaking bagay yun.
By the way, the improvement didn’t happen overnight ha? It took years before naging somehow okay. Hindi ko lang talaga siya tinigilan iremind. I tried the malambing way, the sindak way, the pa-guilty way, the crying way, the parinig way, the birthday wish way and kung ano ano pang way. Sinamahan ko din ng madaming dasal. So far, okay na naman. I’m not saying that we’re perfect now. WE ARE FAR FROM IT but there are improvements and sumasablay pa din kami. I just continue to remind him. I also tell him na nakaka-happy if niyayakap niya ako. Para he can see and hear that I appreciate it.
Don’t lose hope, mga bakla. If there’s love, there will always be a way.