Wala pa din nagbabago sa pakiramdam ko.

The other day, I drank the medicine that the psychiatrist gave me. I was able to sleep pero I woke up at 4am. Nanginginig buong katawan ko! I was so scared!

I went to Wowa’s house because it was near one of our projects. Nagtry ako umidlip. Negative. I asked Wowa to go with me to St. Luke’s BGC to look for a new psychiatrist. Wala kami nakuha because lahat is by appointment. It was so frustrating. Until I was able to contact the secretary of one of the psychiatrists in Makati Med. She scheduled me at 10am today so I’m going later.

I’ve decided to drink na the medicine that this new psychiatrist will give. I need help. Inaamin ko na sa sarili ko na hindi ko ito kaya ng walang tulong ng Science. I changed psychiatrists because I could not connect to the last one that I went to. I hope okay ito na pupuntahan ko. Your relationship to your psychiatrist is a very important one.

Hirap na hirap ako guys especially sa umaga and bedtime. Grabe ang anxiety and panic attacks na wala namang cause. Ilang gabi na ako walang tulog. I really hope this psychiatrist’s medicine will work.

Thank you so much for all your messages. Thank you sa lahat ng concerns niyo. Please do continue praying for me. Gustong gusto ko na gumaling para maalagaan ko si Anika ng maayos.

source

My new psychiatrist looks like Tony Starks. Promise.

It was a good session. I was inside the clinic for one hour. The doctor was asking me a lot of questions. He asked me about my family, family history, work, how I am with Anika, my relationship with Alvin and my family, my friends, my extra curricular and my plan for the next five years. I think he was determining the cause of the anxiety attacks. Wala naman kasi talaga akong problema in life. I told him that. It was just that sabay sabay kami nagkasakit. Throwing up and LBM is really bad for my health. Apektado ang mental health ko. Chemical imbalance.

However, after we talked, Alvin and Wowa pointed out to me that I was really, really stressed these past weeks kasi ang dami ngang pinag-RFO na buildings. First time sa career ko nangyari yan. I can say successful naman yun pero hindi ko na-amin sa sarili ko na somehow the stress affected me. Pero kaya ko naman talaga lahat yung stress na yun. Kaso sumabay nga yung week long high fever because of pneumonia ni Anika and yung nagkasakit si Alvin and me.

Dun ako bumigay.

I shall tell that analysis to my doctor when I see him again next week.

I asked the doctor if I was depressed na. No naman daw because I was still functioning so he didn’t give me anti-depressants (Thank God). He gave me anti-anxiety medicines. One tablet at night and in the morning. It will help me sleep daw.

Last night, before I went home, I passed by our church. I prayed so hard. Sabi ko please Lord make this medicine work because hirap na hirap na ako to go through my everyday na parang may panic attacks out of nowhere.

I did the groceries because wala na kaming ulam sa house. Corned beef na ang ulam namin last night. Ganun siya ka-lala. I’m sorry. My fault. Napabayaan ko because of my anxiety attacks. Alvin went with me. I’m so clingy with Alvin. Gusto ko siya lagi kasama. After buying meat and frozen goods, we went to the drugstore to buy the anti-anxiety meds.

Out of stock.

Napa-isip ako. I think nagiging open na din tayo in taking care of our mental health ano? These medicines are controlled medicines. Meaning, monitored ito ng mga psychiatrists so you can’t really buy them over the counter. Hihingan ka taalaga ng riseta and ID. Eh out of stock. Ang daming sigurong tao having themselves treated. That is good.

I drank the medicine around 830pm. Wala pang 15 minutes, naka-higa na ako kasi groggy. I heard my dad called Alvin up. Groggy na ako so I didn’t attempt to talk to him anymore. Nangangamusta lang daw, sabi ni Alvin. After that, I can’t remember anything anymore.

I slept from 9am to 430am. I woke up super anxious. I was a bit happy though. Nakatulog na din ako ng straight. Salamat naman sa Diyos.

I took the medicine again this morning. The first two hours were really difficult. Sobra nakaka-antok. Alvin asked his uncle to drive me to work. Good idea talaga. Hindi ko kaya magdrive because of the groggy-ness. After three hours of drinking the medicine, I felt slightly okay. Na-lessen ng mga 30% yung anxiety. I am functioning here at work. Kaya ko magwork and to do reports. Antok na antok nga lang ako.

Every now and then, I palpitate. Iniisip ko na lang, at least nabawasan.

I am praying continuous na road to recovery na ito.

I have been receiving messages from my blog readers who have had this or something similar to this. Madami din ha? Last count ko was 9 ladies. They were all giving me support. They were telling me na dumaan sila sa ganito and with proper therapy and meds, they were able to get over it and live a normal life. Thank you very much from the bottom of my currently very anxious heart.

I am happy in a way because at least now nakakakita ako ng awareness about this. Do not hesitate to seek treatment. You will not depend on the medicines forever. The doctors have a way of withdrawing it. Wag kayong mag-tiis ng ganyang feeling. You deserve to be better, to get better and the doctor and medicine can help you. Do not lose hope. Hindi ka nagiisa with what you are feeling.

I cannot stress also how much a good support system is needed. Stay away from people who are telling you na arte lang yang nararamdaman mo. Tell them to educate themselves first before commenting. Nakakahiya kamo sila to belittle the feelings of people who are having mental health problems. Tell them to read about it and pray na wag sana sila magkaron ng ganito. Then stay away from them. Hindi sila makakatulong sa inyo to get better.

Lastly, pray. Pray a lot. As in everyday nagmamaka-awa ako kay God to make me feel better for the sake of Anika and Alvin. I pass by the church almost twice a day. Malaking tulong yan.

Do not be ashamed of what you have. The doctor said na hindi kahinaan yan. It happens to the best of us. It’s like a normal, treatalbe sickness. Gagaling tayo.

One technique that I do to cope with my anxiety nowadays is to think happy thoughts. I thought it was a blessing in disguise when Vic, one of my dear friends from CSA, messaged me to invite me to watch Philippine Ballet Theater’s “The Nutcracker” next weekend.

“In the Philippines, we kick off the Yuletide dance holiday season with the Philippine Ballet Theatre’s presentation of the world’s most popular classic Christmas ballet, “The Nutcracker”, at the Main Theater of the Cultural Center of the Philippines. PBT’s annual reprise of this Christmas ballet favorite is always a much-anticipated event so audiences are encouraged to reserve tickets early to ensure seats. There will only be two shows – November 18 (Sat) 8pm Gala and a November 19 (Sunday) 3pm Matinee.

This year’s Gala performance has been sponsored by the Inner Wheel Clubs of the Philippines
Foundation, Inc., headed by President Victorina I. Magadia, in coopration with the Inner Wheel Clubs of the Philippines, Inc. headed by National President Gloria Golez.

PBT’s 3rd offering for this 31st season, “The Nutcracker” will surely enthrall the audience with its colorful, larger-than-life scenery, toys that come alive, swirling snowflakes and waltzing flowers. Enjoy listening too, to the heartwarming and enchanting music that is a signature Christmas repertoire.”

I’m so excited! I’ve never watched a ballet show! Pangarap na pangarap ko ito. I would love to see all the costumes and effects. Nandiyan na din na, I need to insert more culture in my life. Lelz. I’m taking Anika and most probably Wowa with me. This will be a great and memorable ladies night out for the three of us =) I am sure Anika will enjoy the show and the Christmas village at the Main Lobby of the Main Theater where there will be a wide selection of food and products that are unique for our Christmas celebration.

This is a great way of celebrating Christmas because a portion of the proceeds of the show will benefit the Cultural Outreach Education Program (CORE), an educational outreach in the form of free ballet classes in public schools nationwide, and performances to thousands of school children and provincial communities.

So who wants to watch with us?!

The Philippine Ballet Theater is sponsoring two tickets each for two Mommy Fleur blog readers! Good vibes na good vibes di ba? I love it! I’ll get to watch with you!

Two winners will each receive two tickets for the November 19, 3 PM performance.  It will be at the Main Theater of the Cultural Center of the Philippines.

We’ll see each other there!!!

How to join:

Repost the Philippine Ballet Theater “The Nutcracker” poster in your Instagram and Facebook page and caption it with, “I’d love to watch PBT’s The Nutcracker with (name of the person you’d want to invite with you to the show”. Put the hashtag #MommyFleurxTheNutcracker and please do not forget to tag me (for FB).

Example: I’d love to watch PBT’s The Nutcracker with my daughter, Anika Summer =) #MommyFleurxTheNutcracker

Please do make your profile public so I can see your entries via the hashtag.

I shall choose the two winners on Monday at 12noon.

Good luck guys!!

I woke up at 4am today. I couldn’t sleep so naglaga na lang ako ng egg. I eat one hard boiled egg in the morning to control my acidity. First time ko maglaga ng itlog. It turned out a little malasado which was a little gross (but Alvin likes his eggs like that) pero I still ate most of it.

I want to exercise but I still can’t bring myself to do it yet. Parang nanlalata pa ako. The doctor said I need to exercise because it releases endorphin. I need all the happy hormones that I can get. Anyway, it’s still early so I’d like to blog about Toots’ birthday dinner last month. I need kasi to do something all the time. Kahit small tasks lang. It helps with my anxiety.

We had dinner at Manam Comfort Food in Greenbelt. Before meeting everyone at the restaurant, Anika and I picked up Faye and Isabel. I took Isabel shopping at Mothercare. I got her bibs and cute booties.

Food at Manam is good. They serve traditional home cooked Filipino meals in sizes Small, Medium and large. We ordered the Kare kare with Ox Tail. Medium yata ito at Php 495.

If you are with Toots, for sure dapat may Crispy Pata. This is medium also at Php 495.

I think this is their Overload Garlicky Chicken and Pork Belly Adobo in medium at Php 355.

This is the Butterflied Pla pla with Buro and Mustasa at Php 430. I am actually just assuming medium lahat ng inorder ni Wowa.

Manam claims that they have the best sisig in town and I agree. You should try it. We ordered the medium House Crispy Sisig at Php 255.

And of course since it’s Toots’ birthday, there should be pancit. We got the Pancit Canton Special at Php 295.

It was a good dinner. Everybody was busog. Food was great and if mapapansin niyo, it’s not expensive. I recommend this restaurant. It tends to get really busy lang ha? Ang dami kasing customers nila.

Here’s Wowa with Anika and Isabel. LT wasn’t able to go with us because she was resting. She takes care of Isabel during weekdays.

Happy, happy birthday Nongnong Toots. He’s requesting na Anika to call him uncle instead. Wag na daw Nongnong. Hehe.

MANAM COMFORT FOOD
Level 1, Greenbelt 2,
Ayala Center, Greenbelt Makati

OPERATING HOURS: 11am to 12midnight

Table booking is recommended. You can call them daw at (02) 6250515

Hi, everyone.

Alvin said that he thinks I’m getting better na daw. Kumokontra na daw kasi ulit ako sa kanya. Lelz.

Kidding aside. I feel better. The anxiety attacks come sparingly in the day. Halos maximum of twice a day na lang unlike before the medicines, 24 hours para akong nagpapanic ng walang dahilan.

Pineda and I were messaging each other yesterday. Iniisip lang daw niya. She said that if I can still smile, blog and post in social media now, then I can still control myself and my mind. I told her that I am functioning because of the anti-anxiety medicine. Naka-medicine pa din ako until now. It makes you feel relaxed and not palpitate all throughout the day. Habang it’s making you relaxed, nakakapag-isip ka ng straight and clearly on how to control the anxiety. If macontrol mo na your anxiety, pwede na ma-simulan na i-pull out yung medicine dahan dahan. She said that hindi niya masyado naiintindihan. I told her, anxiety, depression or any mental illness is difficult to explain to people who do not have it. She said, she will just listen to me and support me kahit hindi niya nga masyado naiintindihan.

After a while, I messaged her again because I have not given Maeko and Mirko’s birthday gifts. Pineda said that since we stopped messaging kanina until that time (ilang oras na din yung lumipas), she was reading and reading all about anxiety disorder. She wants kasi to be involved kasi ako ito. She wants to understand so she’ll know how to handle me when I have my attacks.

Naiyak ako mga bakla. Napaka-swerte ko sa mga best friends ko. I have very few pero napaka-swerte ko. Ayan, naluluha na naman ako now. For someone who will take time to read and understand about the illness you have, ibig sabihin mahal na mahal ka ng tao na yun. I am praying na sana those who have like my illness too have people like Pineda in their lives. Si Vivian din. She insisted on meeting up with me during the long holiday. Among all of them, si Vivian kasi talaga yung nakakaintindi ng ganitong sakit. Si Janis naman made it to a point to visit me even for a short while dun sa ginagawa namin na house while we were there. Kwentuhan lang. I hope Anika will have friends like mine too.

My family, swerte din ako. Alvin, Wowa, Anika, Toots and his friend brought me to the beach the other day for an overnight trip. Everthing was fully booked but Alvin was able to find an airconditioned cottage at Virgin Beach Resort. I’ll photo blog ha? I’ll just comment every now and then.

Anika wore a dress from H&M, sandals from Payless, sling bag from H&M and her Jojo Siwa inspired bow.

Romper: MANGO; Sandals: BIRKENSTOCK; Sunglasses: RAYBAN

We had lunch at the resort na.

Posting my OOTDs and our photos for this trip in my social media made me really happy. Parang naging outlet ko siya. Mind you ha, I am still taking my anxiety medicines two times a day until now. It keeps the anxiety at bay in the morning when dun siya sobra and it helps me sleep when I take it at bedtime. Ang ganda daw kasi ng smile ko and I look happy na in the photos. Malaki ang kinalaman ng medicines. I am going to tell my doctor na if sana pwede to start withdrawing it already. I feel kaya ko na to manage if the anxiety attacks again. Wag lang yung exage ha and wag lang may magkakasakit muna.

This swimsuit top is from Coco Cabana. Yung bottom old na. String kasi yung partner niyang top. Baka pa-uwiin ako ni Sombrero pag yun yung sinuot ko.

Yes, I lost weight. I lost 10lbs. I want to maintain it na by exercising. Exercise is recommended also by my doctor. It releases endorphins that your body needs.

This trip was Wowa’s treat. Hindi din naman din kasi kami madalas magbeach. It was so much fun and relaxing. This was also recommended by my doctor. Pagmay ganito ka, you will do and try everything din to get well.

Alvin has never left my side since. Ang supportive, nagulat ako because he doesn’t believe sa mga ganito before. Pero ngayon, he talks about it with me. He listens to me. He embraces me pagnagpapalpitate ako.

My two loves

I am thankful for Wowa. Thankful ako retired na siya. She really does take time to go with me and make me kamusta often.

Anika loves the beach. I wish we can take her here often. Maganda yung fresh air sa kanya.

I forgot where I got this personalized swimsuit. It’s one of my favorites pa naman.

I got this swimsuit top naman from Topshop.

Anika is now taking interest in volleyball. Diyosko. Tuwang tuwa talaga ako. I am starting to teach her the proper form and the proper way of hitting the ball.

It’s nice because we were all able to fit in one room. Ganda talaga this vacation na nangyari. Bonding na bonding.

Wowa and Toots napped in the afternoon. Alvin, Anika, Toots’ friend and I stayed by the beach. Around 4pm, I told Anika to wake up na Wowa and her nongnong. Kako sunset na, tulog pa din sila. Hehe.

This overnight vacation really helped me a lot. Malaking malaking bagay siya for me. I am thankful we went.

Before I end this blog entry, I would like to encourage everyone to read about anxiety disorder or depression especially if you have a loved one suffering from it. Malaki matutulong niyo for them. Ang suffering nila is inside their mind. Hindi niyo yan makikita sa panlabas ng tao. There may be signs that they have na pasulpot sulpot but it’s not easy to detect if you are not a specialist. Parang si Wowa. She told me ang ganda daw ng skin ko now. San ka naman daw nakakita ng tao with this illness tapos ang ganda? Naks. Thanks Ma. I also don’t know. Baka kasi hindi kasi ako nakapag-make up ng 10 days and my skin was able to rest? Baka yun.

Do not be fooled with what other people project on the outside. You will never know what they are battling inside themselves. So let’s all be kind to everyone because we do not know what they are going through. I’m telling you, you will not like to be in their shoes. Isusumpa niyo, promise. Only the bravest and the strongest survive this kasi matinding sheer will ang kailangan.

Osha, I am praying for a good day today since I’m back to work. Update ko ulit kayo guys. I hope the doctor will tamper off na the dosage of my medicine so that I can say I have fully recovered.

Good morning and have a great day everyone!

Good morning, guys!

I’m feeling a lot better. However, the doctor didn’t start tapering off my meds yet. We suddenly introduced the medicine to the body so we cannot just suddenly taper it off. Magugulo na naman yung chemical balance. May tamang procedure din pala talaga yung taking and withdrawing the medicine. I just have to trust the doctor because pinag-aralan naman nila yun. Backed by science ika nga. Next week when I see him again, he will start reducing it na daw. I can’t wait. Although it’s really helping me to get better, I want to be medicine free and feel better ng natural. Di ba?

And so Anika put up our Christmas tree already with the help of our house angels. She was so insistent that’s why she didn’t wait for Alvin and me anymore. She was the one who decorated it. Nakakatuwa itong batang ito. She wanted to put up the tree this early because this will be the last Christmas we are celebrating in this house so medyo memorable.

Hindi na ako nag-all out sa decors in the house because we will just be taking them down soon.

Our new house is almost done. Finishing works stage na kami and I am so excited.

I am mighty proud of Alvin. Siya tumutok diyan. Lumalabas, consultation na lang sa akin. They started kasi the renovations nung kasagsagan nung mga nagRFO na projects namin so I was so busy. Right after naman, Anika got sick and then I had to get better from these anxiety attacks. So si Alvin talaga yan lahat. I’m happy that he learned a lot. I hope we can turn it into a business already: renovating old houses. I think kaya na ni Alvin with the right people under him.

Last night, I slept late because I finished the designs of the closets in the Master’s Bedroom.

Alvin has a tiny space. Haha. Don’t look at me noh! Hindi ko yan pinilit. He said he has super konting clothes so he doesn’t need a large closet. And so, my closet is twice a large as his. Lelz.

Sliding ang doors niyan with full mirrors. Good luck sa gastos.

And that’s closet number 1 lang muna. I’ll have another closet in the third bedroom. Hihihi.

I’m so excited kasi customized ko yung closet ko. There will be space for my tops, short dresses and long dresses. I’m having second thoughts on the bags though. I want to hang them para hindi nafofold. What do you think?

Anyway, maybe later I will finish Anika’s closet and the one in the third bedroom. I’ll show it to you too when I finish it.

Osha, we’ll go to mass today then we’ll watch The Nutcracker in CCP.

Have a great Sunday guys!

Dress: MANGO; Shoes: CHARLES & KEITH

We presented our year end accomplishment and 2018 KRA this afternoon to ManCom.

Usually dati, before our actual presentation, I’ll be super duper nervous. As in jittery, butterflies cobra in ecstasy in the tummy, banyo 3 times an hour and nauseated ang feeling.

Pero kanina, because of the anti-anxiety medicine that I’m taking, I was so calm! Steady na steady lang ang lola niyo. Partida, I was cramming like crazy because of the super last minute revisions in the report ha? Nakakatawa talaga. I was so composed, relaxed and happy while cramming. In the middle of everything, I was laughing at myself. Sabi ko, “Shet, nasisiraan na ata talaga ako ng bait!” Hahaha. It was like my mind was telling me that I should be panicking na pero my body was soooooooooo serene. Now I know why this medicine is addicting. Para kang masaya all the time. Lelz. I shall practice this feeling even after I stop the medicine. Mas okay if serene ako without meds. Normal ba. I am very much looking forward to that.

Anyway, I have an Anika kwento.

I am so proud of Anika. I feel tama pagpapalaki ko sa kanya.

One of the moms of her classmate messaged me yesterday morning. Her daughter daw was crying and crying and didn’t want to go to school yesterday because sumama loob because she was excluded by some of their classmate in a game. Baka daw I can talk to Anika (close sila) if she can talk to her daughter when she goes to school the next day para she will feel better.

I know the feeling. I went through that when I was in Grade 2 also. May mga batang ganun talaga. Bata pa lang showbiz and may politika na. Sila yung mga bata telling their friends not to make bati somebody. Gusto lagi may issue. That was why I felt really bad for that little girl. I also realized that no matter how hard we protect our kids from these bad people, we cannot do anything. May ma-eencounter talaga sila na ganitong mga tao.

And so last night, I talked to Anika. I told her what her friend’s mom said. I asked her if she can make sama her classmate na lang muna. I was surprised with Anika’s answer.

ANIKA: Okay, Nanay. I totally get what she’s feeling because they did that to me before. It’s so sad. So tomorrow, if they don’t want to play with her, I will tell them I’m not playing with them either. I will just play with (her friend) even if it’s just the two of us.

God, I’m so proud of her.

ME: Anika, what do you do when your friends do not want to play with you?

ANIKA: Tatay said to just leave them. If they don’t want to play with me, I just go look for other kids to play with. Or I’ll just read. Or draw.

Magaling. The best that we can do lang talaga is to teach them how to react in these kinds of situations. Teach them how to handle mean people.

This morning, I brought Anika to school. We saw her friend. She was very quiet while we were waiting for the building gate to open. Anika was chatting her up. As in chika levels ha? She was telling her that we will be neighbors soon and she can come and swim in our bathtub. Anika also asked her if she can come over and if they had dogs (Anika is afraid of dogs). Daldal ng daldal yung anak ko. Her friend was just nodding or shaking her head. Tahimik lang. May apprehension pa siguro pumasok. And then when it was time to go up na to their classroom, I saw them walking side by side while pulling their bags behind them. Chinichika pa din ni Anika yung friend na.

I thought my heart would burst with pride talaga. I asked Anika when I got home kanina how’s her friend. Okay na daw. She was always with her daw.

Anika has always been like that. Para siyang mother hen. Ayaw niya ng may na-aapi. She’s very protective and maawain.

I hope she won’t change.

One point for me and Alvin on this one. Yan ang lagi in my prayers. Sana lumaking mabait si Anika.

Last Sunday, Anika and I were able to watch a ballet show for the first time. We had three tickets so we asked Wowa to go with us too.

It was my first time to watch something in CCP. Akala ko dapat naka-gown or may sequins or velvet (ewan ko ba bakit ko naisip yung velvet eh hapon naman yung show hehe). I googled what to wear when watching ballet theater. The attire isn’t strict na naman daw pala sa mga ganyan. Keri kahit ano basta siguro hindi ka mukhang naka-pambahay naman.

So nagmaganda na lang kami mag-ina to the show. Sorry naman first time hahaha! It’s also my excuse to dress up. I seldom get to dress up all pretty for something. At this stage, almost all my friends are married na. Seldom na ang mga weddings that I go to. The next stage na madalas magdress up is probably 10 years from now for my friends’ daughters’ 18th birthday.

I received a lot of nice comments about the earrings that I wore. I love them! They’re from Franc and Andie! It’s so me! Papansin! Hahahahaha! Best of all, they are not expensive kaya masarap mamakyaw.

If you remember, my dress is from Label Manila. I wore it during the last Mommy Mundo fashion show Anika and I participated in. I asked Janice of Mommy Mundo that I’d like to buy the dress from Label Manila. Balikan niya daw ako how I can purchase it. I was so surprised when one day, it arrived at my office. Janice gifted it to me!!! Thank you so much!

Dress: LABEL MANILA; Shoes: CLN; Bag: BALENCIAGA; Earrings: FRANC AND ANDIE

How cute is my photobomber?! =)

This was her outfit (again). She chose it. I was making her choose another dress kaso ayaw.

I know I already have an outfit shot pero I want to post it again dito. Ten thousand takes ata ginawa ni Alvin just to perfect this shot so it deserves a space in the blog.

I love spending time with these two. See Anika’s earrings? They’re also from Franc and Andie. They make kasi earrings like those for kids too.

Here are the two pretty mommies who won the Mommy Fleur x #TheNutcracker show giveaway. Thank you so much Philippine Ballet Theater for sponsoring. I love how our daughters are all magka-age. They all got along well. Nakakatuwa because they all sat together in one row. Sabay sabay sila na-amazed sa show. It was cute watching their reactions sa play. Kami naman tatlo, chikahan galore while waiting for the curtain call.

One more with feelings for our kabog earrings =)

The guy beside me is my long time CSA friend, Vic. He’s one of the most fabulous persons I know. There is never a dull moment with him.

The show started at 3pm. It was held at the CCP Main Theater. We were seated in the one of the Parterre Boxes. Ang soshal, mga bakla! It was like a small room with 6 seats. Pagpasok mo, parang private balcony seats. It was sooo nice.

The problem that time was 7 kami. Wowa’s seat was dun sa kabilang Parterre Box. Okay naman kasi in one Parterre Box, apart from the 6 seats, there is a cushioned bench sa likod. Wowa said dun na lang siya. Sabi ko samahan ko na lang siya dun. Comfortable naman. Wala lang sandalan pero keribelles. However, my two blog readers was super kontra. Ayaw nila. Gusto nila si Wowa to have a proper individual seat with us. As in I was so touched kasi hindi talaga sila mapakali. They both offered to make kandong their kids. Eventually, just before the show started, the kids figured it out themselves. The three of them sat beside each other in the two seats. Kasya sila.

The show was very nice. Partida walang dialogue. The costume, backdrop, lighting effects were awesome. I thought at first Anika will be bored. Grabe. You should have seen her while she was watching. She was so at awe.

ANIKA: Oh my God this is so awesome!

ANIKA: Ohhhhhhhhh!

May matching clapping of hands pa yan over her head.

Nakakatuwa.

There was a meet and greet of the characters at the main lobby afterwards. While waiting for Wowa because she went to the restroom, we were lucky kasi all the cast passed in front of us going to the lobby.

Anika and Mishka were able to have their photos taken with the two main cast members.

It was a great experience. I’m thinking to make this an annual event na for Wowa, Anika and I. Gagawin ko nang tradition =)

Again, thank you so much Philippine Ballet Theater.  Thank you I was able to watch the show with Wowa, Anika and my two fab readers. Thank you to my blog readers who joined the giveaway =) Sana next time ulit!

Top: KAMISETA; Pants: UNIQLO; Shoes: NINE WEST

A lot of people that I see everyday say that I look better. True, I look better because I’m feeling better. I told that also to my therapist when I went to see him last Thursday. We’ll start tapering off na daw my dosage. So instead of drinking it twice a day, once a day na lang daw. And I’ll see him in two weeks so he can assess how I am. I went out of his clinic ng happy.

Last Friday was the first day of my morning free medicine. I started having panic attacks at 9am kasi I was still because I was stuck in traffic. Nawala when I got in the office kasi I did a lot of things. The come lunchtime, I learned that the only child (8 years old) of my former officemate died of Dengue Shock Syndrome. The boy had a fever last Saturday. They brought him to the hospital last Monday. He died last Wednesday.

What the fuck is Dengue Shock Syndrome?!?!?! As if mothers do not worry of billion of things already!

I read about it and got so anxious that I had to call Alvin to calm myself. Does Anika have that? Baka dati when she was confined, baka di lang pneumonia sakit niya? Baka ganyan din? Baka lagnatin sa ulit? Bakit may sipon pa din si Anika until now? Or am I just like this because of the effects of the withdrawn medicine?

Alvin calmed me down. Wala daw ganun si Anika. Anika still has sipon because of her allergic rhinitis. Nahimasmasan naman ako.

I discovered what’s triggering my anxiety this time around. Despite the stress at work, ang pinaka-stress ko is thinking that Anika and Alvin might get sick. I’m very scared now that they’ll get sick. I know it’s normal for someone to feel this. Pero yung mine kasi is talagang exage eh to a point that it’s not funny anymore.  At least now I know. I will be able to manage it.

Yesterday was Day 2. I was very busy yesterday so I just felt the anxiety when I was about to sleep. I drank my medicine and was fine na.

Last night, I dreamed that I was in a seminar then after lunch, naglights out sila para magsiesta. Kaloka. Anong klaseng seminar kaya yun? And then I discovered that I lost my new iPhone. I was all over the room looking for it. I was calling out to the people if they have found it. Nagpapanic na ako. And then I work up. Kanina yun ng 4am.

Lecheng anxiety talaga ito.

I told you na that since I started sharing with you what I am going through now, a lot of you started messaging me too that they have this. They’re primary concern was nobody could understand them. A lot of the people close to them just keep on telling them na wala lang yan, arte lang yan, kayanin lang yan. The comments make them feel worse and lalong succumb to anxiety attacks then later on depression na.

Madami pa talaga ang hindi nakaka-intindi ng sakit na ito. It’s very hard to explain to people who have not had this. Pero ulit ulitin niyo na lang sa kanila lalo na if you are not able to function anymore: “Sinong gago ang may gustong maging ganito?!”. Tapos wag niyo na kausapin.

To those people who have like this, please do not be discourage and just keep on fighting. Gets ko how you feel when you receive comments like that. Minsan ka pag yung attacks eh nasa height niya tapos makakarinig ako ng ganyan, I want to wish na sana they will have this too para maintindihan nila. Tingnan natin if ganyan pa din ang sasabihin nila. But of course, I don’t do that. I pray. I have seen din a lot of people na hindi naniniwala but because of sa dami ng nagsu-suicide at nagkaron ng awarness sa mental health, they read about it more. Naintindihan nila kahit papaano.

Best example was when who’s that actor sa Patch Adams? Oh yes, Robin Williams. He committed suicide by hanging himself last 2014. He was battling severe depression. Di ba?! Who would have thought na may depression si Robin Williams eh parang ang normal niya?! Parang ako, I look normal on the outside but I am battling anxiety on the inside. Yan pwede niyo din gawing example.

Natatawa ako when I hear na sakit mayaman daw ito. Alvin actually asked my former doctor bakit yung mga mahihirap daw hindi nagkakaganito. My doctor said that they have din daw but kinakaya nila without treatement. Some get better kasi if kaya pa naman talaga ng mind over matter but for some, that is the reason why they do drugs or do horrible crimes.

So yun. I wish they do more awareness in mental health. Nandiyan pa din kasi yung perception that if you go to a psychiatrist, buang ka na. Naiinis ako when people think that way and use the term buang. In more developed countries, like in Amsterdam for example, kids are checked by a psychiatrist as early as kindergarten. Yearly pa yata yan as they go up a grade level. Sadly dito sa atin parang taboo na taboo yan.

Anyway osha. I’m up since 4am and I’ve been thinking how to spread the awareness of mental health. Kaya napasulat ako bigla dito.

By the way, do check out my Instagram ha? I shared a video there na may sneak preview ng house namin. I’m so excited to dress it up talaga.

Happy Sunday everyone!

Malapit na matapos our house. Ubos na din ang budget, hahaha!

Grabe, we were just supposed to renovate the house kasi 35 years old na siya halos. I told Wowa, renovations lang for it to have a little more space and i-update yung hitsura.

You should see the house now. I love it. I love how I was able to incorporate everything that I like in my dream home: maaliwalas, clean lines, simple pero maarte. I am so excited to move-in.

As expected, over kami with our budget. Hindi na daw nagtataka si Sombrero because ako yung nagpapagawa. I told him, we’re renovating it na naman so why not kung ano yung gusto natin.

I just got so stressed with the CW Home store here in Pasong Tamo.

My peg for our house is gray, white and wood. For the walls, all white yan. For our living room, dining and kitchen tiles sana, simple gray tiles. So that was what we bought at CW Home. After buying the tiles, we went to our house that was being renovated and turned over the boxes of tiles to the Foreman.

Last week, our workers installed the tiles in the living room and dining. Alvin was told by the foreman na kapos daw yung binili namin na tiles. Alvin went back to CW Home to buy more. He went there with our receipt and a sample tile.

Lo and behold, Alvin discovered that the people in CW Home gave us the wrong tiles when we initial bought them last week.

The gray tile on your right was the one I chose. The item code of that gray one was the one in the receipt and the one we paid for. The light gray with speckles on your left was the one that they delivered to us.

Alvin told me that the person who we were talking to insisted that yan daw yung pinili ko. My husband explained to him that impossible yun because we were very specific that we don’t want that kind of tile kasi mukhang madumi yung design.

The wrong tile

Sobrang labo.

How can the item code in our receipt and that of the tiles loaded in our pick up truck that day when we bought it be different?!

Sige daw. Papalitan daw nila. Bakbakin daw namin yung tiles. Alvin asked who will be charged. Yung nag-assist daw sa amin.

1. If bakbakin namin ang tiles, malamang basag basag na yan. They will not be able to resell them.
2. All those tiles are worth Php 24,000. Ichacharge daw yan sa sales person who assisted us.

To show you, this is how it looks like. Ito yung mga maling tiles.

Ayaw na ayaw ko siya. The photo below shows the tile that I want. Yan. Gray. Yan yung peg ko. Yan yung gusto ko. Yan ang binili ko.

I do not know why they gave us a different set of tiles. Kumo-comment pa tong agent nila.

SALES AGENT: Sir, eh bakit po hindi niyo chineck yan pagdating niyo sa bahay.

Tiningnan siya ni Alvin.

ALVIN: Alam mo, naka-box yang mga tiles na yan nung binigay niyo sa amin. Pagka-bili ko, binaba ko na yan dun sa pinapagawa kong bahay. Binigay ko sa foreman ko. Hindi ako ang nagpapatrabaho sa bahay ko. May foreman ako. Malay ko ba mali yang binigay niyo eh naka-box yan! Malay din ng foreman sa hitsura ng pinili namin na tiles nung naginstall siya niyan!

Kaloka.

FYI: I saw the people from CW Home check our receipt and the items when we were taking them out of the store. Ibig sabihin, dapat nacheck nila bago namin ni-load sa truck ni Alvin di ba?

I went to check the installed tiles personally that weekend. Hindi talaga yun yung peg ko. It looks so light and may speckles! Parang madumi yung floor =c However, I felt sobrang guilty that it will be charged to the agent. Magkano lang ang sweldo nun? Parang hindi ko ma-atim. Inisip din ni Alvin that we will have to pay additional for the labor –> babakbakin ulit yan and magiinstall ulit ng correct tiles. Magastos on our part.

Although, I know. I should charge CW Home the additional labor cost too. Kasalanan talaga nila eh.

Imagine talaga the hassle.

But because of humanitarian sake and dahil magpapasko, I told Alvin we can settle with the wrong tiles na lang. Hindi ko naman ikakamatay. Ayoko din naman to live in that house tapos gandang ganda ako pero knowing somebody’s salary is being charged because of it.

Ask na lang kamo for a discount. Pang palubag loob ba. The discount, the amount I will use buy naman din in their store. We’ve paid na kasi for everything eh.

CW Home gave us a discount.

Php 2,000.

Leche.

Php 2,000 for the Php 24,000 WRONG floor tiles that I have to look at for the rest of my life?!

Grabe galit ko.

Isipin niyo na lang mga bakla. What I should do is to bakbak all those wrong tiles na malamang basag basag yan after, make CW Home pick it up and have them deliver back the new correct tiles. I should charge them of the extra labor that we will incur of the re-installation of the tiles.

Tama?

Hindi nila naiisip yun partida that it is against the freaking law to give your customer something that they did not pay for. Malinaw pa sa araw, ibang iba yung item number in the receipt.

Ewan ko ano na usapan nila ni Alvin after that. I told Alvin siya na bahala please. I cannot afford extra anxiety now, alam niyo yan.

Nakakaloka talaga. It’s so frustrating because we really want to finish everything na.

Lekat na yan.

Buti na lang super nice what Alvin designed for our ceiling lights.

Living and Dining room area

Hindi siya masyadong galit sa ilaw ano? Hahaha! Di bale, we will not open all of those everyday. Pagmay bisita lang. Otherwise, good luck sa Meralco bill!

So nice our kitchen lights!

Ito na yung simula ng out of the budget! Hindi na umabot after all the revised structural, plumbing, lighting and painting works done in the house. Hahahaha! But that will not hinder me from making this space look beautiful. Ito yung space that I can call mine. Like in our current house now, hindi ako papaki-alamanan ni Alvin sa design dito.

I will be putting a kitchen cabinet system on your right with a beautiful backsplash, a breakfast nook/corner by the window and floor tiles pa. Gagapangin ko na itey. The best part of my house always will be the kitchen because no, I do not like to cook (hahahaha) but because I like entertaining guests and there is something fulfilling with a nice looking kitchen. Ganito na nga siguro pagnaging nanay ka na.

Konti na lang baks! Push pa more!

I learned last night that one of the friends of my friend’s daughter committed suicide due to depression.

She was 17.

Hindot.

A couple of months back, a high school student jumped from their classroom building. He wanted to end his life because naman of bullying.

Hindot more.

As early as now, I wish I can attend seminars about how to detect warning signs in teens if they are feeling depressed. Based on experience ha, here are the things I think parents should do to lessen the chances of their kids to have depression:

One is they should communicate with your kid all the time. When I say all the time, it means every freaking possible time. Being busy is not a reason. Work or whatever menial tasks that we have to do is never more important that ensuring we have a mentally healthy kids. Ask them about their day. Ask them what’s happening sa life nila. Yan ang ginagawa ko kay Anika since she was young. I encourage her to make kwento. Kwento naman ng kwento.

Two, pagmay na-kwento na hindi mo masyado gusto, do not reprimand immediately. Wag mong sopklakin. Be someone na hindi siya takot magsabi ng anything to. Be a friend. Don’t be judgemental. Exert effort to find better ways how to tell her na hindi maganda yung something na yun. Ang goal natin is:

a. They will have the feeling that they can tell you anything

b. They will have someone to talk to all the time.

c. If they will have a problem, sayo sila dederecho hindi kung kani-kanino or worse bottle it up inside them

A cause for anxiety depression is not being able to talk to or open up with someone. Hindi ito yung may kausap ka tapos sasabihan ka lang ng “Kaya mo yan! Ako nga ganito ganyan pero nakaya ko eh”. That does not help, believe me. Bata or matanda, that comments makes the depressed person feel worse. Support. Ask them sincere questions like, “So how do you feel about it?” or “What do you think you should do? May idea ka na?”. One thing I learned from Wowa is that feelings are never wrong. Hindi mo pwede sabihan ang tao na mali yung nararamdaman niya. That’s how he or she feels eh, bakit ka kumokontra? Ikaw ba siya?! Instead, ask her why she feels that way. If hindi niya alam, try helping them identify whats wrong.

Three, listen. Learn how to listen and yun nga, ask questions.

Four, spend QUALITY time with each other. I have to improve on this. Anika and I spend a lot of time with each other and I admit, half of that time, I am distracted. I’m distracted with my phone. I’m distracted with my thoughts. Kung ano ano ibang iniisip ko like a problem at work or what I want to share in the blog. Focus. Focus on your child when you are together.

Five, train them to be resilient. Yung hindi agad nadidiscourage. Si Alvin ang magaling diyan eh. Minsan nga nakaka-sira na ng ulo because when she comes home with a low grade on a test, for example, I want to balance between telling her na okay lang yun and you have to work extra hard para you can get a higher grade next time. We want to make them feel that they are not a failure but we do not want them to lax na okay lang naman pala bumagsak eh. Gets?

Six, create a home atmosphere where at the end of the day siguro, when your kid comes home, he or she will feel better. Ito yung no matter how hard the day was pag-uwi niya, masasayahan siya and magkaka-energy siya to face tomorrow again.

Bottom line is our kids should not feel hopeless to a point of wanting to end their life. Bata pa ang mga yan eh. Hindi pa nila kaya mag-analyze. Having depression when you are an adult already is a lot different siguro if you have it in your teens. Medyo madami ka nang alam when you are an adult eh. You will know how to psych up yourself how to get better. May pera ka na kahit papaano so you can afford to do things to avert from depression. Eh yung mga bata? Bahay-school lang naman yan eh. Kaya need nila more ang support.

When I see them, I interview my mommy friends with teens a lot. Tanong ako ng tanong. Hingi ako ng hingi ng tips how to raise them to be happy and resilient. We need all the help we can get. I hope there are accessible and constant seminars about this.

One of my amigas in CSA attended a seminar in CSA about how we can ensure our kids to have a healthy mental health. Para sa mga parents of the older kids ito so hindi ako invited. She was nice enough to share with us some tips she learned from there. Here are this things I picked up:

1. Watch for moments. Acknowledge the good times. Spend time just listening. Appreciate and acknowledge. Spend time together.
2. Keep track of your teen’s whereabouts. Learn and watch for warning signs. Seek guidance if you have concerns. Evaluate the level of the challenges that they face. Monitor their experiences.
3. Maintain family rules (non-negotiables are: safety, illicit substances, school and aggression and violence). Communicate expectations. Choose battles. Use discipline as a tool. In short daw, loosen up but do not let go.
4. Set a good example. Model the type of adult relationships that you want your teen to have. Answer teen’s questions. Maintain and establish traditions. Help your teen get information.

Na-realize ko lang. Seminars like that should start siguro with parents with younger kids. Ang gusto kasi natin prevention eh. If they give that to parents with teens, baka too late na. Habang lumalaki pa lang kasi dapat alam na natin paano. Di ba they are easier to train when they are younger? Ganun.

Osha, good luck to us parents. We all know naman na hindi madali magpalaki ng kids. Let’s help each other, shall we? If you have tips, please do share.

Have a nice day everyone.

Cardigan: MANGO; Inner top: UNIQLO; Pant: UNIQLO; Shoes: NINE WEST

After work, a few weeks back, I did the groceries with Alvin and Anika. I am happy they went with me. Ang lakas talaga makafeel alone when you do the groceries by yourself. Okay yung endorphins because technically, you are shopping. However, pushing that mega heavy cart makes me feel na parang wala nang nagmamahal sa akin sa buhay. Lelz. Joke lang. Pero something like that ang feeling.

Anyway, our grocery bill was Php 8,000 last night. Nakakaloka di ba? Basic goods lang yan ha? Only everything in the list that our kasambahay gave me including bigas. Ang mahal na ng bilihin ngayon. Ang one can of corned beef, Php 86 ang isa. Ang liit lang talaga nun eh. The toothpaste is expensive too. Lalo na the laundry soap, grabe lang. I am thankful we have a job. Sa dami dami ng reklamo ko na nahihirapan ako in life, I should appreciate things like this. Dagdag pa sa stress in life if tight na tight ang budget for your basic needs. Buti kako ngayon, may pera pang grocery. Yung we can buy everything that we need and want to use and eat.

I remember when we were younger. We would go to the grocery with my parents. Talagang I saw my dad computing the total of the items everytime an item is being placed inside the grocery cart. Nakawitness na din ako ng binabalik sa shelves kasi naka-budget nga. Meron din yan na nasa cashier na, may iniiwan pa na hindi na lang bibilhin kasi hindi na kasya sa dala na money. But even if I saw that, I never felt tinitipid kami nina Lolo Papa and Wowa. Feeling ko nga dati ang yaman namin, hindi pala. Hahahaha! There was always food in the house. We were studying in a good school. Basic needs are met. May mga gifts kami from Santa Claus during Christmas. Ngayon ko lang narerealize, now that I have a family of my own, todo kayod talaga sila before. Money was tight but my parents never made us feel that. I think they didn’t want to burden us with money problems. Kami magkakapatid, our task was to study hard and graduate. Sina Mama and Papa na bahala with the rest.

But. But. But.

Even if we never felt na kulang kasi we eat naman three times a day, I didn’t grow up that entitled. I knew how to spend money.

Hindi naman kasi from the start maluwag ako sa pera eh. May pinagdaanan din ako na time na talagang sa kahuli-hulihang piso eh naka-compute. My allowance from first year high school until I graduated in college was only Php 100. In college, I eat at the carinderias for only Php 25 a meal. Inihaw na liempo and rice na yan. Alam niyo yung Kenny Rogers in front of La Salle in Taft? I was  only able to eat there once in my whole college life! Libre pa yata yun. Tipid na tipid talaga sa food. Expert din ako in ordering sulit meals at fastfood restaurants. If super hungry, I would always get the spaghetti & chicken meal in Jollibee plus extra rice. Sa dates? Dun kami sa Pizza Hut kasi may mga Php 100 combo meals na mukhang sosyal. I am only able to eat at Fridays during graduations.

I don’t ride taxis too. De-kotse na ako ngayon pero dati jeepney queen ang beauty ng lola mo. Magaling ako sumingit during rush hours and I can fit my butt sa three inches of seat space sa jeep. I am only able to take the taxi during sweldo or after Lolo Papa gives me my monthly allowance.

Clothes? Ha! My clothes then cost only Php 150-300 a piece. Fashionista on a budget ang peg. Majority of my clothes were from tiangges, Divisoria or were bought on sale at 50% off. I only buy at Mango during sale. As in 9am pa lang naka-pila na ako sa labas para maka-first dibs.

When I was just starting sa work ko, my sweldo was only Php 11,000. That was in 2003. I was a licensed civil engineer who graduated from De La Salle University. I was earning less than my batchmates who were also working that time. But I didn’t complain. Tiniis ko yun for two years. Kumuha lang talaga ako ng kumuha ng learnings. In 2005, I transferred to another company for a salary of Php 14,000. By this time, my batchmates were earning Php 18-20,000 plus already. Tiniis ko din yun. Kumuha lang ako ng kumuha ulit ng madaming learnings. Ayun, with some MBA units, I was able to find a job that I love and that pays well. Tiyaga lang talaga mga bakla. This is why natatawa ako dun sa entitled fresh grad whose rant online about not getting a job despite graduating from a prestigious university.

Beh, wala yun sa school. You need sipag at tiyaga. Directly proportional ang dalawang yan sa success.

Alvin and I strive hard to give what’s best for Anika. What Anika has now is the maximum of what we can afford at the moment. As in we enrolled her in the best school we can afford. Anika’s education kasi is our topmost priority. Magtitipid na sa iba, hindi lang sa schooling niya. Education is the only thing I am sure na pwede namin ipamana kasi sa kanya. We are working our asses off right now because we want Anika to be able to go to any college she want here in our country. Dito lang ‘day sa Pinas, hindi sa ibang bansa ha? Ang sabi ko we are working our asses off. Hindi ko naman sinabi na gusto namin magpakamatay kumita ng pera. Lelz. We want to be prepared sa tuition sa kahit anong university 10 years from now. Ang saya sana if mag-UP siya, tipid kami. Eh what if magAteneo yan or gumaya sa akin magLa Salle, prepared kami dapat.

However, despite giving Anika the best we can afford, I am praying she will not grow up feeling entitled. Mahirap for any entitled person to become successful kasi nga you need sipag and tiyaga. Not everything will be spoon fed to her paglabas niya sa outside world.

Kaya ngayon, I do not buy her toys without reason. When she wants something out of whim lang, I ask if she has money. She will tell me how much she saved. Pagkulang, either she will get a different item that her savings can afford or she borrows money from me. I make sure she pays me pagdating ng allowance niya. When she tells me she wants something because her classmates have it, I tell her na hindi kailangan meron din siya kasi maybe rich yung parents ng classmates niya.

ANIKA: So we’re not rich?

ME: No, we’re not.

ANIKA: Why am I studying in CSA?

ME: Not all kids studying in CSA are rich, anak.

ANIKA: Like us?

ME: Yes.

ANIKA: I see. So (insert the name of her classmate) was right. They’re not rich pala talaga.

ME: How did you know that?

ANIKA: Her parents told her and she told me.

Chismisan Grade 2 Edition.

Hahahahaha!

Anyway, so as of now, that’s the lesson I am teaching her regarding money. She knows na din kasi not to ask for gifts from other people. Whenever someone offers her money, she looks at me first to ask permission if she can take it.

I’ll talk about giving allowances naman to kids her age later.

Have a great weekend guys!

Like last year, Anika was chosen again to represent her class for their school’s annual individual declamation contest in Grade 2. This time in English naman which I was very thankful kasi napakahirap magpamemorize ng Filipino story kay Anika. I know relate na relate kayo sa akin dito. Kids nowadays akala mo mga Am-boy / Am-girl eh. English speaking with matching American accents tapos pagnagTagalog, baluktot na ang dila! Kaloka. Unlike nung panahon ko, pagmay English speaking kami na playmate, hindi na namin bati. Hahaha!

Anyway, for her declamation contest, she had to memorize a story (The Lion And The Mouse) which had three paragraphs with like siguro four short sentences each. Nagmemorize naman. The problem was, because we were busy with the construction of the house and the everyday things (nahospital pa siya, di ba?), Alvin was only able to practice her the last few days na lang before the contest.

The contest was last Monday. The night before, she was having jitters.

ANIKA: Nanay, what if I don’t win?

ME: It’s okay sweetheart. We do not win in everything. Life is not like that. The mere fact you were chosen among your classmates, that means you’re good. And I am very proud of you already. Just do your best, anak. Whatever happens, winner ka na sa amin ni Tatay.

The thing with Anika is that she has an attitude na pagpinasok niya ang isang bagay, she will do her best to excel in it. You may call it competitive but I prefer to call it “passionate”.

She may have not gotten my face pero the passion and being an Alpha female, sa akin yan.

Come Monday, I had jitters na din the whole day.

Ganito pala maging Nanay, ano? Ako ang natetense for Anika! Parents were not allowed to watch the contest so no choice kami ni Alvin. I was told of the time when the contest was at 9am daw. I set the alarm of my phone at 9am and, in the middle of all the Monday reports that I was doing, I said a prayer when my phone alarmed.

Tumawag si Alvin sa akin twice last Monday. Ano na ba daw kaya nangyari kay Anika. Baka I know somebody daw who can check how she did.

Apparently, hindi lang ako ang may jitters pala.

I had an office event that night so I wasn’t able to go home early. Si Alvin ang maaga sa bahay. Inabangan ang Anika umuwi. Mas jittery ang Tatay.

I called Alvin around 7pm.

ME: Ano? Kamusta daw sabi ni Anika?

ALVIN: Talo daw siya. Nalaglag daw yung mic niya. She was so embarrassed daw.

ME: Umiyak?

ALVIN: Oo pero dito na sa bahay. Hiyang hiya daw siya.

Pakshet. May kumirot sa chest ko.

She was already asleep when I got home so hindi ko na nachika. I brought her to school the next day. We talked in the car along our way.

ME: How was your contest?

ANIKA: It was so embarrassing, Nanay! I was doing well but my lapel microphone fell two times! I wanted to cry. I don’t want to join any contest anymore. Nakakahiya, Nanay!

She was in tears na when she was telling me about the contest.

I felt what she felt. Naiiyak din ako but I didn’t show it. For her age, it must be very embarrassing nga. Alam natin yan. Pinagdaanan ko na din yan.

ME: Maybe that happened to some of the contestants too.

ANIKA: It didn’t Nanay. I was peeking behind the door and watching the contestants. Ako lang yung ganun.

I am not sure if that is true or Anika’s just over-acting but I supported her nonetheless. Trabaho yan ng mga Nanay.

ME: It’s okay to feel embarrassed, baby. But the falling lapel mic wasn’t your fault. There are things like that that happen sometimes. We can’t prevent it. The important thing is that you did your best. Did you do your best?

ANIKA: Yes, I did.

ME: Then that’s enough for me and Tatay. Sa sarili mo din anak dapat ganun din.

ANIKA: But I didn’t win!

ME: Winning is not everything, Anika. Remember that always. Not all students get to experience performing on stage. Ikaw, you’ve experienced it twice na di ba? Super okay na yun anak. At least now, if they pick you again, you know na what to improve on, di ba? Try and try until you succeed, okay? We are very proud of you even if you didn’t win.

She calmed down after that.

Nakakalito din ano? I was choosing my words very carefully. I wanted her to feel that we don’t win all the time. I did not want her to feel entitled na just because she joined a contest, winner na siya lagi. If she wins, great. But if she doesn’t, keep the learnings and move on.

I also didn’t want her to feel like a failure dahil she didn’t place in the contest. I didn’t want her to feel any less special dahil talo siya. Yet, I didn’t also want her to feel na okay lang ang talunan. I wanted her to have that “Never Give Up” attitude. Go, go, go pa din dapat.

Nakakasira din ng ulo to teach life balances sa anak.

I remember tuloy an incident 29 years ago.

I was 8 years old and was in Grade Three. I was in a Girl Scout Investiture ceremony in school and Wowa went to watch. I was told that I will be leading the prayer. Big deal yun kasi buong grade school investiture yun. I was so excited and went to Wowa about it.

Just before the program started, I was told na ibang girl na lang daw yung mag-prayer. I was like, okay. Ewan ko dun sa teacher na yun bakit ako biglang pinalitan. I went to Wowa to tell her na hindi na ako ang magprayer.

ME: Ma, hindi na ako yung magprayer leader mamya dito.

WOWA: Bakit?

ME: Yung isang girl na lang daw.

WOWA: Talaga? O how do you feel about it?

ME: Okay lang.

WOWA: Are you sure? Okay ka lang?

I remember she asked me paulit ulit if I was okay. At that time, I didn’t think about it that much. Ngayon ko lang na-gets. As parents, we do not only make sure they survive life physically in our care but we also take care how our kids feel whenever things like this happen to them. We have uncontrolled things. Personally, I make sure Anika does not feel discouraged sa mga ganyan. Binabantayan ko yan. It affects their whole personality and attitude towards life in general eh.  I do not want her to feel that she’s not good enough kaya todo boost pa din ako sa confidence levels niya.

More importantly, I want Anika to feel na whatever happens in her life, the best pa din siya for me and her Tatay. Na kahit anong sabihin ng tao about her, keber siya. Wapakels. Napakahirap umikot ang buhay mo sa tingin ng tao sayo, tandaan niyo yan.

Osha, declamation contest lang talaga ikukwento ko, naging sobrang deep na! Hahahaha!

Have a great day guys!

Dress: TOPSHOP; Sandals: RENEGADE FOLK; Bag: KATE SPADE; Sunglasses: RAYBAN

Hi, muthers!

How are you? Buhay pa, mga besh? I know the holiday season can make any woman loka loka sa daming kailangang gawin. Woman ang nilagay ko, not mother or wife kasi regardless if married ka na or may anak ka ba or wala, basa girl ka, abalang abala tayo come Christmas time. Ang mga men, not too much. Keber ang mga yan. Hahaha! But before we all lose our sanity ng slight, let us remember: HINDI KAILANGAN LAHAT MAY REGALO NGAYONG PASKO! Lol. I am stressed because I keep on thinking na dapat Anika’s teachers and classmates dapat may gifts, yung bus driver and bus helper meron, yung security guards ng village meron etcetera etcetera.

I forget to enjoy Christmas. I want to enjoy this year’s Christmas because this will be our last her in our first house that we bought. Anika wrote us a letter. It read:

Dear Nanay and Tatay,

Let’s make this Christmas memorable because this is our last Christmas her in our house.

Love,

Anika

May point ang bata.

Speaking of house, I am now looking around for furniture that I want to buy. Pineda commented on one of my posts. Sabi niya, “Do not buy anything without consulting me first.”.

She knows me too well. Sa dami ng gusto ko, if I won’t be controlled, magmumukhang tindahan ng furniture shop ang bahay ko. Nothing will match. I buy pretty things on a whim without analyzing if bagay siya with the others that I have.

I saw this vanity table in SB Furniture last week.

I want it because it’s very functional. The table is huge so kasya lahat ng eklaver ko plus it has storage too. It looks very basic though.

I saw naman an idea in Pinterest for Anika’s vanity table.

Cool huh? Madaling gawin because we just need two white shelves for it =)

These past few days, like this morning for example, I become sobrang unproductive because I keep on looking at nice things online. Like here at www.furnituresourcephils.com. Look at all these IKEA stuff! I like this chair. Hindi ko naman alam saan ilalagay.

I like this Galvanized shelves for the kitchen. Gagawin kong pantry cabinet. The thing is that hindi siya enclosed kaya matrabaho to keep everything parang naka-ayos ng artsy artsy.

I like Ghost Chairs too. Hindi ko din alam san ilalagay. Lelz.

I saw these Ghost Bar Stools that I thought were perfect for my black and white minimalist kitchen counter bar. Sabi ko super like ko na siya talaga.

When I showed it to Pineda, wag daw yan. Black and white na nga tapos transparent pa. Dapat minimalist pero lagyan naman ng kulay. Make sense. Magiging parang patay yung color combination.

She showed me this bar stool from The Old Wood Ph.

I fell instantly in love.

Ang pokpok lang ng feelings ko. Hahaha! I told you I have very low EQ.

I think this is perfect for my counter bar.

So dito naman ako sa instagram ng The Old Wood nagsayang ng oras.

I like this wooden table with metal legs. I like to put it in between my 2 single sofa.

And then I saw this ANITA industrial shelving unit for my pantry shelves. It has open shelves so I can put my stuff in an artistic way and it also has a cabinet para dun sa mga masasamok na things.

Pineda also showed me some pieces at the Heima Store instagram account. Naloka din ako dun ng slight. I stopped when I saw the prices. Hindi ko afford right now.

And then Pineda showed me the instagram of Upcycle Manila. Wala. Umubos ulit ako ng more unproductive time kaka-browse sa photos nila. They’re all beautiful! I want them all! Hahahaha!

Here are snippets of some of my conversation this morning with Pineda:

ME: Mare. Ang dami ko need gawin pero napaka-unproductive ko this morning. Tingin ako ng tingin dun sa @theoldwoodph na IG na pinakita mo sa akin. Parang gusto ko na naman lahat. I need to tell you pala na ang peg ko is minimalist na homey na may arte.

PINEDA: Like what?

ME: Hindi ko sure if nagegets mo ako hahahaha. Kaya yung arte siguro is yung mga hindi conventional na mga lighting fixture or yung gold sa white na combi like yung pinakita mo sa akin na stool. Pero homey pa din ang dating. Hindi hard. Gets mo, mare?

PINEDA: Ganun nga.

ME: Feeling ko if hindi mo ako ma-gets, wala na makakagets talaga sa gusto ko.

PINEDA: Kaya wag ka sa generic designs ng IKEA masyado.

ME: Okay. Ako na talaga ang pinaka unproductive na tao today.

PINEDA: Bakit ano ba dapat gawin mo today?

ME: Ipa-reupholster ko kaya yung “lazyboy” namin para hindi na ako bibili ng nice couch para dun sa library corner ko? May mga reports ako na tatapusin for tom. Maggift wrap ng mga gifts. Magstart na magpack para sa lipat bahay. Pati tong sofa namin gusto ko ipareupholster.

(As you can see yung train of thought ko dito is sabog sabog na. Hahahaha!)

PINEDA: Sabi ni Mau yun lazy boy hindi daw madali ipareupholster kapag hindi marunong masisira yun mechanism. So hanap ka ng marunong.

ME: May point…

PINEDA: Nasira daw yun saknya. Yun sofa mo, try mo benta then bili ka bago. Daming maganda sa SM.

ME: Ay wag na lang. Pwede naman yung lazy boy muna gamitin ko ilagay dun sa may bookshelf then pagnakaipon, bili ng magandang chair. Okay pa naman yung sofa ko eh.

PINEDA: Sabi mo papareupholster mo ehh.

ME: May lubog lang dun sa seat na lagi nauupuan. Tapos madumi na. Iniisip ko ipareupholster para mabago yung skin? Or mahal na din yun? Bili na lang bago?

PINEDA: Ang 3 seater ata is almost 8k. Yata ah.

ME: Reupholster?

PINEDA: Oo naginquire ako ehh. Basta more than 5k.

ME: Mahal din ano?

PINEDA: Oo. Daming magandang sofa sa SM na maganda yun shape. Suggestion ko sayo lipat ka muna. Bago ka magdesign at magisip ano bibilhin. Malalaman mo yun kapag nakikita mo na in actual na nakalagay na sila sa positions nila.

ME: True tama ka diyan. Naaatat lang talaga ako siguro now

PINEDA: Eto priorities mo: Xmas packing, report, packing sa paglipat – sabi ko sayo gamitan mo ng cling wrap para hindi mo na aalisin sa mga lalagyan. Yung decor ng bahay will come follow after you unload makikita natin anong kulang at ano maganda. Bumili ka na ng cling wrap sa
Ace Hardware para naguumpisa ka ng mag wrap like damit.

ME: Alam mo mare dapat naging psychologist ka. Magaling ka sa ganyan. Napaka-kalma mo ako

PINEDA: Natatawa nga ako dito eh. Kasi ramdam ko panic mo hanggang dito.

——————————————–

I told you swerte ako sa friends. Even Peachy (who’s an architect) was messaging me kamusta na ang house ko. She offered to go with me to shop for furniture.

I am thankful I have artistic friends with nice taste.

Osha. Gotta go mga bakla. I need to start na the Christmas gifts wrapping!

Have a nice Sunday everyone!

I feel I am doing a lot of things right now. Actually, true to life talaga yun, hindi lang feeling ko.

I’m working everyday. I’m helping Alvin finish our house. I’m stressing over Anika’s end term final exams. And I’m thinking about all the other gazillion things that I have to do during the holidays. Lahat ng Nanay nakakarelate sa akin ngayon, I know.

And because hindi ko naman pwedeng hati-hatiin ang aking sexy bodeeh, I do not have time to go to the mall and buy gifts, mga bakla.

Thankfully, Hampergiftsph saved me and my sanity. I placed my orders for boxed gifts carefully curated for all my special someone.

All I needed to do was to list down the people I want to give gifts to. I contacted Hampergiftsph. I sent them the list of people and an idea of what I want to give them. To make things easier, I described that person and Michele, of Hampergiftsph, was able to help me put together gift ideas. All these items come in that iconic black and white box with ribbon.

One, ang soshal ng datingan ng gift ko and two, personalized na personalized my gifts without me having to scourge the malls for each item.

Efficient without sacrificing the quality of the gift, di ba? =)

Check out some of my orders below.

This will be for my boss. He loves coffee and yeah, he plays golf.

This is my gift for Faye’s hubby, Fonz.

This is what I got for my boss’s wife.

And this is what I got for one of my favorite couples =)

If you will check out the Hampergiftsph Instagram accounts, you will see there more sample gifts you can choose from.

Galing talaga. Life saver. Stress reliever pa ang pumili from their photo samples.

You can shoot them a message in their instagram account like what I did.

Excited na excited na tuloy ako for Christmas!

Mukhang madami ako napasaya this afternoon.

I posted this in my Instagram and Facebook page:

Nakarating na ako from my car to the office elevator before I realized my feet were like that.

Kamote.

May nakatalo sa naiwan kong groceries sa parking!

Hahahahaha!

I’m not myself today.

Nagkatampuhan kami ni Anika this morning when I brought her to school. She was wearing kasi her gymnastics attire under her uniform. I told her that I am not sure if she still have gymnastics class today kasi hanggang November lang yung binayaran ko. However, baka she still has because she was absent for a couple of days and ang daming no classes. Baka meron pa siyang natitirang make up class.

Hala. Naghurumintado! She stomped her feet and sumimangot.

ME: Bakit? Why are you acting that way?

ANIKA: I want to go to gymnastics! My friend is there!

ME: Di ba nga sabi ko next month you’ll start again.

ANIKA: I want!!

Tumahimik. Hindi ako pinapansin. We walked to the chapel. Hindi ako sinasabayan maglakad. After praying, I tried taking her hand so we can walk holding hands. Ayaw ibigay yung kamay.

Nagalit ako. I took her in a corner and talked to her.

ME: Anika, anong klaseng ugali yan? Tama ba yan? Hindi ko naman sinabi na never ka na mag-gi-gymnastics eh. Sabi ko next month na lang. You took gymnastics lessons for two months already. Bakit hindi ka maging grateful na lang?

ANIKA: But I want to.

ME: Ayusin mo yang ugali mo ha? Your Tatay and I are trying our best to provide for you pero hindi lahat ng gusto mo kailangan masunod. What you have now, yan na ang best that we can provide!

Silence.

ME: Hindi na kita ihahatid sa school Anika kung ganyan ugali mo. I don’t need to bring you to school and yet I do it so that you will be comfortable and so we can spend more time together.

ANIKA: But I want you to bring me to school!

ME: Then ayusin mo yang ugali mo. Be grateful for what you have! Swerte ka nga may mga toys ka. You go to a good school. May parents ka. Yung ibang bata diyan walang mommy and daddy tapos ikaw hindi grateful? Be grateful.

We walked in silence to her building. When we arrived, I sat down in one of the benches. Anika came over and hugged me. Umiyak.

I carried her and sat down with her straddling me.

ME: Anak, please be grateful. You are very lucky already with everything you have. Baka we give you too much na and you don’t feel gratefulness anymore. Masama yun. Please, please be grateful.

I saw her go up the ramp to her classroom after that.

I walked to the car and drove to work ng mabigat ang feeling.

I find it nakakaloka to raise kids. How can we give them everything that they need without us spoiling them? How can we give them the best without them feeling entitled? How can you discipline them without them feeling na ang salbahe mong magulang? How can you tell them to study hard without pressuring them?

This month, may nabalitaan ako na two teenagers (16-17 years old) who committed suicide separately. One of them was an achiever. He jumped from their condo’s balcony. Kung titingnan mo yung profile nung bata, matalino, masipag, well-liked and okay ang family. Hindi mo talaga makikita na depressed siya. Diyosme, how can we spot these things sa mga bata? I cannot imagine the pain of the parents. Hindi ako naka-concentrate sa work today because of that.

I wish schools pay attention more on the students’s mental health. Iba na ang mga bata ngayon eh. Because of the digital age, they are exposed more on a lot of things. Kung marami tayong feelings dati nung wala pang internet, lalo na siguro now.

I wish there are seminars for parents how to raise mentally healthy kids.

Ako, I am just basing on my past experience. Teka, share ko nga sa inyo.

One, quality time spent with kids dapat. Walang phones and distractions. Dapat mafeel ng bata na nagspespend time talaga kayo. I spoke with Alvin kanina. Sabi ko I have a new self imposed rule to myself in the house. No using of mobile phones when Anika is around. Pwede lang magphone if tulog na siya or wala siya or if nagtututor siya.

Two, converse with your child. Hindi lang listen ha? Converse. Sabi ng psychiatrist ko, we all need someone to talk with. Yung may interaction and palitan ng opinion. Ganyan din sa bata. Kausapin ng kausapin.

Actually, yang dalawa lang yung pinaka-important eh. We need to make sure that our kids will feel that whatever they do, they will not be alone. Nandito tayo laging parents for them. Whatever happens, at the end of the day, kakampi nila tayo and they should feel that we understand them.

I told Alvin, nakakatakot na pagalitan tuloy si Anika. Baka paglaki, magdamdam na.

Alvin said kaya may good cop, bad cop. If ako yung galit, dapat Anika should feel na she can talk to her Tatay about it. If si Alvin naman ang nagalit, sa akin siya lalapit. One of us should be able to talk to her bakit pinagalitan siya. Lalo na kako sa anak namin, nagiisa. She has no siblings to turn to.

Hindot. It’s so difficult and nakakapraning to be a parent. I keep on thinking about that the whole day. I was supposed to go boxing after work but I went home early instead na lang. I spent time with Anika. We talked about a lot of stuff. She told me about her hanash with her classmates and busmates. I listened. I asked questions. I gave advice. Nagprapractice na ako mga bakla. I want to be that parent that a child prefers to talk to. Kaya pagdalaga ni Anika, sana mas gugustuhin niya akong ka-kwentuhan. With that, friends kami and the same time, I will be able to guide her.

Ang dami natin plano and ideas how to raise our kids right. But at the end of the day, magdadasal ka na lang talaga eh. Otherwise, baka mauna ka pang masiraan talaga ng bait sa kaka-worry.

I wonder if our parents were as stressed as we are now when they were raising us?

People often tell me na mahirap daw ako isipan ng gifts.

I find it weird. Napaka-babaw kong tao. Stationery lang, masaya na ako.

Not true daw sabi ni Alvin.

Not true talaga if si Alvin kako ang maggigift. Subukan lang niya ako bigyan ng stationery sa pasko.

Lelz.

Kidding aside, Alvin has taught me to see beyond the gifts. The mere fact daw kasi na naalala ako, malaking bagay na yun.

At first, it was hard accepting that way of thinking. I love giving gifts kasi. I make sure I give everyone na karapat dapat na may gifts. For those special to me, pinagiisipan ko talaga my what I give to them. Like, I take time to go to the mall and look for something. Siyempre gusto ko din, mukhang pinagisipan yung gift for me. I told Alvin dati that my expectation to what I will receive from you will depend kung gaano tayo ka-close.

And how I know you.

For example, I see you na maluho ka sa katawan. Madami kang nice things. Alam ko na may pera ka. Hindi tayo acquaintance lang. Aba eh, sasama loob ko if you gift me with a bimpo.

Sasama din daw loob ko if hindi ako binigyan ng kahit ano.

True. Though yung hindi ako binigyan ng gift, I don’t really mind.

Nakatatak lang sa isip ko na hindi mo ako binigyan ng Christmas gift ngayong pasko.

But I don’t really mind. I will mind the rich person giving me a bimpo more than that.

Mga ganung hanash ba.

Alvin taught me na may mga taong ganun. Wag ko daw sirain yung mood ko with those kinds of people. What is important is that what we give them daw. Wag na daw ako mageexpect. Matuwa na daw ako that they remembered me.

Ganun ako dati.

Ngayon, motherhood has made me less materialistic. Mas madami na important to me now than receiving presents. Mas important na sakin ang spending time together. Mas important na sa akin yung health and wellness of the people I love. Mas important na sa akin na masaya sila and walang problema.

Nevertheless, sa haba ng intro ko, I still want to show you my Christmas wishlist. Hahahaha!

#YouCannotTeachOldDogsNewTricksCompletely.

My therapist prohibited me to drink coffee while I was in treatment. Ngayon, pwede na daw. I was so happy. I missed coffee so much. I can drink daw basta decaf. Walang problema. Better decaf than none. The first item on my wish list is a nice coffee cup.

I got this 12 oz Keep Cup Brew yesterday.

KeepCup started in a Melbourne cafe in 2008 with a simple idea of keep it and use it again. They designed it to make a barista standard reusable cup so people can better enjoy to-go coffee.

It helps to know that there is enough plastic in 20 disposable cups and lids to make just ONE KeepCup. It’s very environment friendly.

This one okay siya for one short drink at the coffee shop. Nakakatuwa. It’s non-toxic and BPA/BPS free. It’s a fully tempered soda lime glass with a hard splash-proof lid for ease of use and drinking. The lid has a plug that covers the mouthpiece when not in use. Perfect for me!

You can buy this at @cuppinginitiative over at Instagram =)

The next item in my wishlist is the Kiehl’s Powerful Line Reducing Concentrate. I didn’t know Kiehl’s has the Vitamin C serum. I only saw this from my friend, Vic’s IG page.

Need na natin yan kasi ageing na tayo ng slight. Vitamin C is very good for the skin.

Third, I am obsessed now with swimsuits. Feel na feel ko kasi ang thinner body ko kaya todo ask ako kay Alvin if we can go to the beach more often.

If only I can wear swimsuits all the time, push ko yan. I don’t know kasi until when I can keep up this fitter body. Hahaha!

My favorite swimsuits are from Georgina Sasha…

I love Koi Swim…

and Soak Swim Wear Ph =)

I wanna buy more swimsuits!

Fourth, I like this bow sandals from Renegadefolk.

I’m into flats nowadays, di niyo napansin. Maybe it’s because I’m getting old na and my knees are getting rupok-er every year.

Rupok-er!

Hahahaha!

Fifth, I’ve mentioned it already that I like collecting coffee cups. Gusto ko yung mga unique and maarteng designs like this one from Paper Straw Love.

Sixth, eto matagal ko na talaga gusto, nangunguripot lang ako. I want these two New Balance sneakers! Ang tagal ko na pinagnanasaan these shoes! I find them expensive now knowing how much they are lang when I saw them at the NB store in Canada. I should have bought them when I saw them na! Grrrrrrr!

Seventh, I want a necklace made from Bubbadoodles. Ang taba ng utak ng naka-isip nito.

You can give them your kid’s drawing then they will turn it into pendants. I’m thinking, maybe you can even have your special someone write your name or the words “i love you” and have it turned into pendants too. Astig di ba? They’re very special and personal.

Eighth, I want a Hanogram case. My friend ordered one and it was delivered daw agad. Simple but elegant ang peg. Totally not me, pero pwede naman ako magpanggap =p

To tell you the truth, I do not like a stationery from Alvin because itong dalawa ang gusto kong Christmas gift.

I want this dresser from Furniture Source Phils!!!!

I also want this center table from Upcycle Manila!

So yun lang naman. Charot.

The other items in my wishlist that are not there are (1) batteries for my watches because I have a lot of watches na hindi na gumagana =/ (2) to have my Pandora bracelet cleaned at their store and (3) I want nice sleepwear. Ito yung super lambot na tela and super comfy that you’ll want to wear them all day!

Kayo, pwera piece of mind (hahahaha!), ano nasa wishlist niyo? =)

Top: KAMISETA; Pants: MANGO; Shoes: Tory Burch

I was in my boxing session yesterday the other day when I received a phone call from our office. I wish I didn’t take that call anymore because it stressed the living hell out of me. I got so stressed that I was able to do 5 rounds of boxing with circuit training in between while texting like a loka loka to my co-workers.

Hindi ko man lang ininda.

My boxing trainer was amazed.

TRAINER: Ang bilis mo na sumuntok ah.

ME: Stressed ako.

TRAINER: Sige. Rest for 5 minutes.

I went back to texting.

TRAINER (after 5 minutes): Tara.

I boxed two rounds and then went back to texting again.

Repeat 3 times.

TRAINER: Mag two rounds ka muna ng lower abs workout tapos two rounds ng upper abs.

I did it then went back to texting.

TRAINER: Tapos na?

ME (while texting): Yeah.

TRAINING: Ulitin mo yung 4 rounds ng abs.

I did it again and went back to texting.

Tawang tawa yung trainer because I usually complain a lot on a normal day. Puros lang daw ako request ng masahe na agad. Hehe. That time wala akong reklamo. Dapat daw lagi ako stressed. Loko loko.

So it’s like that na nga. The next day, which was yesterday, first thing in the morning, I was concentrating on finishing the work na tinawag sa akin. Focus lang talaga. And then after, I went na to our party.

I went home around 1:30 am na this morning. I treated some of my staff to Starbucks after the company party and left around a little past 12am. I cannot believe how heavy the traffic was still was on my way home. Gapang, mga bakla at 1 in the morning, traffic. Malala. I slept agad when I got home because I was going to bring Anika to school in a few hours for her school Christmas party naman.

My alarm went off at 5am. My eyes wouldn’t cooperate to open so I pressed snooze. A few seconds after I pressed it, I bolted upright!

I wasn’t able pala to buy the food she’s supposed to bring for the party!

Hindot na yan! Sabog much!

I went out of our room to check ano pwede niyang dalhin. I called out for our kasambahays.

Wala.

Wala sila sa bahay! Nagsimbang gabi!

Emergerd.

No breakfast.

I can’t find Anika’s sportsfest shirt that she’s supposed to wear!

Lekat na lekat lang talaga.

Good thing, Lemon Squares sent me boxes of goodies. Yun na lang dinala ni Anika to school. Whew.

I asked Anika to take a bath na while I panic.

I couldn’t find her shirt. Anak ng teteng talaga. I woke up Alvin so he can buy pandesal for breakfast.

And then our kasambahays arrived around 530am. Halleluja!

We were out of the house by 6:15 am and arrived in school at 6:45 am.

There we realized..

We left all her gifts for her classmates at home.

Fantastic, baby.

I tried convincing Anika to give na lang her gifts in January but she didn’t want. Ayaw na lang daw niya mag-attend ng party because everybody will be giving gifts tapos siya walang mabigay. She didn’t want to receive gifts without giving. I called Alvin to ask if he can bring the toys to school.

ALVIN: Hindi pa ako naliligo eh.

ME: Eh di maligo ka na!

Lelz.

I went with my CSA amigas to Starbucks after while waiting for Anika’s dismissal. I like going out with this bunch because we always laugh a lot. As in yung tipong masakit sa sides laughing ha? Ganun. We discussed how Tita we are na. Michelle sent us this in our Viber group.

San kayo diyan, mga mare? Hahahaha! Pasok pa ako sa Medyo Tita pero there are days na nandun na ako sa Super Tita! Mary Grace, FTW! Lol!

Anika and I had lunch with Wowa after at Chili’s. As much as I wanted to stay and buy gifts at the mall, we went home na. Antok na antok na ako and I loved my 3 hours sleep this afternoon.

So there.

How’s your Christmas break coming? I promised myself that I will blog once a day. Namimiss ko magblog ng madami mga bakla. I will try my best from now onwards. Ang sarap niyang outlet eh. You guys will be reading something about anything everyday again from now on.

I will try my best talaga! =)

Yesterday, we accomplished so much. Iba talaga if we go to mass early, mas madaming nagagawa.

We heard mass at 9am. After that, we went to our new house to check the progress. Nabwisit ako ng wagas. Kwento ko later para may matching photos. After the site visit, we had lunch at my in-laws place. I stress ate and I am blaming the contractors. Grrrrr. After that, we went to SM BF kasi we promised Anika she can go ice skating. I’ll do some shopping na lang kako while she’s in there with Alvin. Kaso lang, Anika wasn’t allowed to skate because of the minimum height requirement. She cried. I wanted to cry too kasi hindi ako makapagshopping.

We watched Star Wars instead.

Hindi ko gusto, mga bakla. The plot was very predictable and there was nothing fantastic there. Pang DVD lang ang movie. Sana Sharon Cuneta / Robin Padilla movie na lang pinanood namin. I cannot believe I missed that movie! Die hard Sharonian pa naman ako and Robin Padilla ang peg ng mister ko.

After the movie, we were supposed to do the groceries but we went to Wilcon Depot instead to buy paint for the cabinets. We got home around 8pm just in time for my 8:30 massage.

Despite the haggardness of the holiday season (at sinabay pa talaga namin ang renovations of our new house), we try our best to spend time with each other. Kahit anong gagawin, basta magkakasama kaming 3.

During mass yesterday, Anika asked if we can go to the toilet. On our way, while holding my hand, she stopped and looked at me.

ANIKA: Nanay, I really want a baby brother. Can’t I have a baby brother?

She looked so sad that it really broke my heart.

ME: We’re trying our best, sweetheart. I’m not sure if God will give us a baby brother but if He will, antay lang tayo okay?

She nodded her head.

When we went back to where Alvin was sitting, Anika leaned her body towards her tatay and said,

ANIKA: Tatay, can I please have a baby brother na? I really want to have a baby brother please.

ME: Pray ka kasi, anak.

ANIKA: But I have been praying since I was 2 years old! I’ve been praying and praying. Hindi naman yata naririnig ni God.

Uh oh.

Alvin looked at me.

ALVIN: Hindi ganun yun. It’s up to God if He will give you a baby brother. You just have to wait. Don’t think that about God. He is very good. Mabait si God, ha?

I thought finish na ang drama. When we were at my in-laws’ house, Anika went to her Lola Lydia.

ANIKA: Lola, can you please help me pray for a baby brother?

Emergerd.

ME (to Alvin): Intay ka lang. Maya maya, magpapasama na yang anak mo sa Manaoag, tingnan mo.

I have conceded na actually in having another child. I am turning 38 in a few days and to tell you the truth, ayoko na magka-anak. I am old. But when I see Anika like this parang sige, kahit 70 years old na siguro ako, pipilitin ko pa din manganak for her to have somebody aside from me and her Tatay.

Lalo pa now, we will be transferring houses in a few days. She will be away na from her two best friends in our village.

Maghahanap yan ng kalaro after we transfer.

ALVIN: Sabihin mo kasi kay Anika dun sa room niya matulog para magkaron siya ng kapatid.

ME: At ano naman sasabihin kong reason pagnagtanong siya ano connection ng pagtulog niya sa room niya at sa pagkakaron ng baby brother?!

Aber?!

Naloka ako ng slight with what Alvin said to Anika kasi mangiyak ngiyak na yung bata sa kagustuhan magka-baby brother.

ALVIN: Wag ka mag-alala. Bukas na bukas, bibili tayo ng baby brother. San ba nakakabili niyan?! Ilan ba gusto mo? Tara bibili kita!

Building houses is no joke. Sasakit ang batok niyo sa stress. I should know because I am in the construction field.

Pero when you are building your OWN house, hindi lang batok niyo ang sasakit. Your wallets, head and whole being will hurt because no matter how ready you are or how knowledgeable you are in that work, there will always be something that will not go right.

In our case, done na all the ceiling: installation and painting works. They said done na daw all the electrical works so we did the Megger test. For additional knowledge sa mga hindi technical, Megger test is done to ensure that there is no electrical leakage in the wires. I do not know how to explain it more in layman’s term except that if the Megger test fails, that means mali ang pagka-gawa ng electrical ng bahay niyo. This is dangerous as it can cause fire.

Ang sensitive pa naman ni Alvin Sombrero sa ganyan.

And ayun na nga. When we had it tested, it failed. Kamote. We consulted a different batch of electricians to check the work of the original electrician why the Megger test failed. Grabe. Na-high blood si Alvin. Labo labo yung gawa and talagang mali. That and imagine having no ground in the sockets? Galit talaga ang jowa ko because he specifically instructed the electrician to put grounding para safer.

The new batch of electricians corrected the works. They went inside the ceiling again.

Butas butas tuloy yung supposedly finished ceilings namin.

There are more holes like that in the other parts of the house. There are a lot of ceiling paint that cracked too.

Bwisit na bwisit ako nung Sunday. Sayang all the man-hours and materials spent just because hindi lang inayos yung work.

In fairness to our contractor, they’re okay naman in majority of the other works. Dito lang talaga sila pumalya sa electrical.

And here’s how my kitchen cabinets turned out.

Gusto ko maglupasay.

From the swatches of the kitchen cabinet contractor, I chose a white matte finished laminate.

When it was installed, ganyan na siya.

In person, it’s has a bluish gray color. Halos malapit na siya sa light lavender.

I couldn’t understand.

Tama naman the code of the swatch that I gave with what they fabricated. Hindi ko alam na bluish. My coordinator with the kitchen cabinets insisted that yan daw yung pinili ko na swatch and that was what they gave to the warehouse. I told her, “Yes, I know. Wala kang mali. You gave them the code of the skin that I chose. Pero iba talaga ang color ng swatch sa actual! The swatch was white!”

I even showed her my kitchen pegs from Pinterest.

White and black di ba?!

She knew I was right. I do not know bakit white yung swatch then yung actual is light lavender or bluish gray.

I told them sorry but they have to change it. Misrepresentation talaga kasi eh. I know that that was the color that I picked but everybody in the world knows that I will never pick a halos light lavender colored kitchen cabinets. Simula’t sapul, black and white na talaga ng theme ng kitchen ko eh,

Ang sakit ng bangs ko.

Buti na lang maganda kinalabasan ng mini library ko.

That is probably going to be my favorite part of the house.

Yan ang ang kinakatuwa ko ngayon sa bahay. The rest, kamote.

Konting tiis na lang though. I know hindi aabot everything by our target move in date pero wapakels na. I’m not pressured naman to leave our current house because, heller, amin na man yung bahay. It’s not like it’s rented and kailangan namin lumayas on a specific date.

Piliin lang ang ikaka-stress, ika nga.

Osha. Balitaan ko kayo again soon!