I have noticed, even I am guilty of this sometimes, parents tend to get overprotective of their kids to a point na hindi na yung mga bata nakaka-experience ng failure and disappointments sa buhay.
May kwento ako.
When I was studying in CSA, I have never experienced failing any subject. Wowa had this rule back then that if I would have a grade lower than 86 in the report card, I will stop playing volleyball and wala na din yang boypren boypren na yan. I was scared so I studied really hard. Hindi ako natakot mawalang ng boyfriend but I was seriously scared of not being allowed to play volleyball. And so I studied and never failed.
I don’t know if okay ba yung nangyari na yun or not because when I got to college, I failed QUAMETH on my second year and I took it really hard. QUAMETH is an engineering statistics subject and I failed it. Ang sama talaga ng loob ko because it was the very first (and only) time I failed a subject. Bakit kamo ako bumagsak? Ang pogi kasi ng teacher namin, hindot na yan. I’ll never forget him dahil sa ka-pogian niya and siya lang ang prof na nagbagsak sa akin. Anyway, I felt like a failure that time. Parang ang bobo bobo ko na. I felt that I failed Wowa. I was so scared when I told her that I didn’t pass the subject and will have to take summer classes for it. Guilty na guilty ako na para bang ang sama kong anak. Buti na lang, hindi siya prerequisite in any of my other subjects so hindi ako naging irregular na student in La Salle. I took QUAMETH again and I got a 3.5 grade. Highest namin is 4.0 so mataas nga yun. Besides that, na-master ko yung subject. Ang galing ko sa statistics so hindi ako nahirapan when I took that subject during my Master’s. Ginalingan ko kasi hindi kaya ng pride ko na may binagsak ako. That was my attitude towards my first failure. I blamed myself but nagsumikap ako bumawi.
I have learned one thing in that experience. You get better when you fail. Naisip ko nga, dapat siguro ganun lagi. Students should take classes twice para may mastery sa subject. Charot. Pero no kidding, nareretain kasi more if you take it again eh.
Anyway, naisip ko si Anika and how we have always praised her since she was younger. Hindi siguro dapat ganun because yes, it boosts their self esteem but parang walang reason for them to strive harder eh.
I was making chika with one of my co-parents while our kids were having a playdate. Napagusapan namin yun. She told me about the time she enrolled her daughter to gymnastics. Ang maganda dun sa gymnastics class na yun is that they compete with other kids from other schools. May tournament sila. Ang hindi daw maganda is that all participating students get to get home with medals regardless if magaling ka or not. Nabwiset yung mom na kausap ko. Kaya nga daw niya inenroll sa gymnastics yung anak niya so she can learn sportsmanship. She wanted her daughter to experience loss so that she can strive to be better. Di ba ganun nga yung sports? How can she learn daw sportsmanship if walang natatalo dun sa competition? Lahat may medal. Hindi mo tuloy masabi sa anak mo to try harder pagnakita mong hindi masyado maganda ang performance kasi may medal siya.
Gets?
Nakakatawa din. I remember Francis Kong saying something about this. Ang mga bata daw ngayon ay always full of praises. Kahit nasa kindergarten pa lang, umuuwi daw ng bahay na tadtad ng stars and very good na stamps ang buong braso.
Maybe we should draw a line somewhere, ano?
For me, hindi ko naman gusto na laging madaming awards. If ganun si Anika, good. If not, fine. Ang gusto ko is yung alam niya na she has to study hard. And if ever time will come that she will fail, it’s not the end of the world. Hindi naman yung ituturo natin na okay lang pumetiks kasi nga hindi end of the world. Yung tipong dapat magsumikap pa din siya. If she doesn’t get it the first time, try and try again.
Resilience. Ganun.
I remember nga eh. Mali kami dun when we got mad when she wasn’t permitted to join the recital when she was taking up voice lessons 2 summers ago. Alam ko na hindi ganun ka-galing si Anika kumanta. She wasn’t qualified yet so instead of getting mad at the school, we should have explained it to her na she has to work harder if she wanted to join the recital. Eh kaso di ba, nagalit pa kami dun sa music school kasi parang ang unfair. Mali talaga. Nagcontribute pa kami sa feeling of entitlement niya.
I am a bit bothered now because for this year, she auditioned for the Augustinian Dance Troupe. She got in. Magaling naman kasi sumayaw yung bagets, no doubt about it kaya nakapasok. Kaso parang automatic na sa kanya na makuha yung gusto niya. Alam kaya niya na hindi siya entitled to everything she auditioned to?
Example ako. Never ko naranasan ang ma-bangko in volleyball. Ever since I started playing amateur volleyball, first six ako lagi. That’s from Grade School to High School to College to Business School. Pagtanda ko now, I started playing again. Sama ng loob ko kasi na-babangko ako sa games. Wala eh. Lipas na. Matanda na. Ang tagal kong hindi nagvolleyball so nangalawang na ako. I knew that but still naging bitter ako. Ayaw ko na maglaro. That wasn’t a good attitude. See what I mean here? Ayaw ko magaya sa akin si Anika someday. Naging entitled ako because nasanay ako na magaling ako dati. Instead of training more para bumalik yung dating lakas, nawalan ako ng gana. Well, come to think of it, even though I wanted to train, I couldn’t anymore because I got pregnant and miscarried. Pero still, mali the attitude.
Bottom line is that we need to teach our kids that it’s okay to fail sometimes. Let us allow them to experience how it is to fail. Hayaan natin sila madisappoint paminsan minsan. Hindi important yung lagi silang top or may award or nakaka-pasok sa tryouts. The important thing is that they know how to work hard for something that they want. The important thing is how they know how to bounce back after a failure. The important thing is matuto sila maging madiskarte sa buhay. Having good grades is good. It’s a sign that mahilig sila magaral and matalino sila. Pero we all know na hindi lang yan ang batayan to be successful in the future. Meron akong school mate in High School. Ubod siya ng pasaway. Madaming bagsak na subjects. But look at him now. Ang ganda ng trabaho. Ang laki ng bahay sa Amerika. He’s happily married to his beautiful wife and have equally beautiful kids. If you were to base his future on how he was back then, hindi mo akalain na magiging ganyan ka-ganda ang life niya ngayon. I am very happy for him. Meron pang isa. Alvin had a classmate daw na pasaway din dati. Maloko sobra nung high school. Mantakin mo magtop sa medical board exams dito tapos surgeon na ngayon sa Amerika. Sa kabaliktaran naman, I know of people also who excelled in school back then pero hindi maayos ang buhay nila now. Sa tingin ko, (1) nasa diskarte mo yan sa buhay and (2) depende sa attitude and outlook mo yan.
We need to balance what we teach our kids. Hindi naman sila dapat magbulakbol pero yung attitude towards failure and being resilient yung dapat natin i-push sa kanila.
Paano gagawin? Hindi ko din pa sure. Wala bang pa-seminar diyan about this? =D Tips, mommies? Anyone?